There’s something strange about being seen by someone who remembers you from before. Bell and I crossed paths early on, back when I was extensively travelling on My initial year as a Professional Dominatrix. I stayed incognito, navigating vanilla spaces that most people knew nothing about My life.
For My beloved admirers who have been through with Me since day one, My pet cat Cyrus never left by My side. In fact, O/our D/s dynamics have just gotten deeper and interactions have changed. However, a bell rings on My doorstep.
It’s been almost a year ever since Bell reappeared in My life. I thought it was going to be My biggest nightmare but situations have changed. Despite being both Professional and Lifestyle Dominatrix, some try to get closer, to break My forth wall. But Bell? He’s never tried to unravel Me. My connection with Bell seemed different than Cyrus. Similar but different entities, though Bell reminded Me a lot of My past. Is it for the better or the worse? It's up to Me.
We’re not a couple, but he reminds Me of that in a thousand subtle ways—through gestures, looks, and the way he nods as if acknowledging both My strength and My secrets. And yet, he’s there, showing up and doing things for Me that feel almost like a love language.
Acts of service are his way of showing he cares, I think. I’ll never forget him calling me “Ma’am” in that ironic way of his, as if it’s his way of both honoring Me and keeping Me at arm’s length. Maybe I’ll never fully understand what keeps him from taking that step closer, but in these moments, I’m just grateful he’s there.
And yet, for all our shared history, he probably holds a certain resentment. Maybe it’s the discomfort of seeing how much I’ve grown, of realising I’m no longer the person he knew in his mind. Sometimes, I catch him struggling to reconcile his past image of Me with who I am now. It’s like he’s searching for answers without daring to ask, as though part of him is captivated and unsettled by the changes he sees.
Being in a room full of people in these philanthropic endeavours, our quiet presence was louder than words. That’s how it is with us. There’s this push and pull, as though we’re drawn together only to find a thousand reasons to keep our distance. We’re both operating underground, sometimes I do cherish this secret connection between us but at times felt perplexed in this unspoken power dynamics. We function well together even in a crisis, knowing each other’s schedule and interacting when everyone is sleeping and somehow, we make lemons out of lemonade.
People close to us have started to assume there’s something between us, and maybe in some parallel world, there could have been. But as it stands, Bell’s careful distance keeps us in this strange in-between, where he’s both protector and sceptic, confidante and rival. Two young and driven individuals, fighting for a change in the existing system.
And while he might never admit it, he’s still the closest thing I have to a constant, someone who sees Me for who I am without needing all the answers. Perhaps that’s the irony of our connection—that the distance between us is the very thing that keeps us together.
We have these moments that are made up of shared looks when no one’s watching or the same thoughts. It’s not about big gestures; it’s about knowing someone has your back, no questions asked.
Though we never had intimate encounters but with ours Mars in Leo together, who knows what it might transcend in the future? Perhaps the day when we no longer have heavy stakes against us and the political landscape changes in favour for us... All I could is just imagine, Bell and I having an intense push and pull like we have publicly, behind closed doors.
My dear admirers, if you’re wondering if you could be My confidante… well, it’s not as simple as just showing up. Some connections can’t be measured in titles or fleeting interests. They’re about knowing the subtleties, the little things that make a person who they are. It’s not just anyone who stands in this circle—it’s those who bring a quiet loyalty, who don’t need a spotlight to make a difference. And yes, Bell is that person.
Do you have what it takes to be in My life the way he is, think again. Some circles are drawn in invisible ink, and the only people who belong are those who already know they’re there. Till then.
Always,
Caittrin Lee